Giving Back Finance His Shit/He Gets the Boot

It’s been almost two months since I’ve seen him, and about a month since I’ve talked to him. I haven’t gone into the city, but I’ve had his stuff in the back of my car to give to him for weeks. Psychologically I need to give it to him. He calls me out of the blue the day that I have a meeting in Berkeley so I head there to give him back his shit. He’s at a friend’s house, and I casually ask if they’re dating. I’m over him, but I don’t want things to be more awkward than they need to be. I pull up to the house, they’re both waiting for me. She immediately says, “Oh my god you’re glowing!” And genuinely seems happy to see me even though I’ve only met her once. She leaves us and we sit down and talk for an hour. He still wants to rehash the Funyuns Incident. I tell him I’m not talking about it again. I’m sorry he thought I sounded like his mom, but clearly I’m not her. Maybe...she’s just another woman that doesn’t want to put up with his shit and childish behavior.

I’m surprised that I’m pretty detached even though we’re talking about old times and his son. It turns out he’s gotten a lot of his personal legal stuff done with, including evicting his tenants so that he can move back into it. He still hasn’t found a job, probably hasn’t even looked. He’s still dressed like shit. He tries to say he’s wearing a shirt that his son gave him, but he doesn’t match, and I keep thinking he looks borderline homeless. It’s kind of sad, it’s definitely pathetic.

I offer to drive him to his car, which I do, and it’s got a boot on it. Seriously. I’ve never heard of a friend getting a boot on their car. He tries to get me to drive him downtown, but I’m over him using me, even if it’s just a few blocks. Instead we say goodbye, say we miss each other, and then he says, “ I definitely miss fucking you.” I say, “I do too. I was almost hoping we could just continue that until you get your shit together.” I told him I wanted no drama though. He seems genuinely stunned. He says, wow, I wasn’t expecting that curve ball. Part of me is happy if that’s the only thing that happens, but honestly, when I’m giving myself a “pep talk” , or having flashbacks to my favorite bedroom memories, they’re about him and BV.

At this point I’ve said everything that I wanted to say, and learned all that I can learn from him and our relationship. Everything from standing up for myself in texts when he was being stupid or dramatic, to telling him that I wanted to still sleep with him. Learning to stay firm on the facebook friends thing, so as to not involve friends, not let future possibilities see who I was with last. And I gave him everything of his that I still had. I can physically and emotionally be done with him.

I’ve learned compassion and tolerance with him being unemployed because of my own unexpected situation, and also intolerance for someone that is not actively looking for work or working daily to better themselves. I will never take advantage of someone the way he did to me, I will not be dishonest the way he was to me, I will step up in other ways if I can’t contribute the way he sometimes did with me. Thankfully I don’t have to worry about that for a while. I’m financially set, and have a ton of projects going on with new ones presenting themselves everyday. I also, as hard as it truly is, have relearned to not get close to the kids, and have them not get close to me. My closest friend told me that she told her mom I was actively looking to become a stepmother, and I had absolutely not thought about that, but I can’t say she’s wrong. It’s truly heartbreaking to not be a part of someone’s life that is the center of the person’s life that you’re falling in love with or getting to know. But because of what I went through as a child, I know how unhealthy it is. And with what I’m going through now, I see how hard it has been on me to let the child go when it doesn’t work out.

#single #singleinoakland #Finance #learning