Date at a Bar, While Not Drinking

This whole not drinking thing kind of sucks, but I do love that I’m not waking up feeling like shit every day. You wake up, unrested, wondering if you should have drove home, trying to remember what you did or said, how much you spent, unmotivated to work out, craving or needing something to calm your stomach or mind, thinking about the next drink. Huh, kind of sounds like a problem. And those were the days where I wasn’t feeling like absolute dog shit. I’m not saying that this was everyday, but it was starting to feel like it was happening far too often. And what truly sucks was that I was getting further and further away from feeling healthy and attractive, while I was getting closer and closer to the happy me that was out having fun and meeting people every night. I’m not going to go to a gym and look super nasty and meet people in a healthy environment, so what are my options? I need to start looking into new ones.

I’m meeting a guy tonight, he suggested my favorite bar so I said yes. I’m going to try to get there before him and see if the bartender will give me drinks that look like they have booze in them but don’t. I’m pretty self concious about it clearly. “Why aren’t you drinking?” “Because I drink for a living and I am feeling pretty bloated, fat, and gross, and I want to attract a hot healthy man.” Well, it is the truth. I miss Bay Grape, I miss watching games at the bar, I miss cocktails for breakfast, I miss opening a bottle and watching a movie on my couch or a friend’s. I don’t miss feeling like shit. So can I actually go the next 21 days with nothing? No alcohol, no gluten, no sugar, no dairy. Now that the business dinner is out of the way, and Super Bowl, and the birthday parties that I had to go to, I think I can. If I’m able to go on dates and not drink. It’s funny because I would never go on a date with someone that doesn’t drink without judging them or immediately thinking we weren’t compatible. But we wouldn’t be. I need someone that is into wine, seriously. So, we’ll see how it goes. I’m using the hell out of my medical marijuana card, which probably isn’t great. Just as I was thinking I hadn’t smoked that night (like I was doing with drinking) I remembered I had, it was just at a friend’s house an hour before. I know it’s helping. I haven’t caved at home.

We met on Tinder, and I’ve been texting with him for three or four days now. Just easy stuff, getting to know him but nothing in depth. I found him through a mutual friend on facebook (I think), it looks like he’s got a young son, and the only other thing I could see was that he was posting stuff out of the Bible, which has me a bit nervous. We’ll see, he’s really fit, he’s really attractive, sounds like he has a good job. Now to get through tonight without drinking...

On a sidenote, going through my finances for my taxes has given me a lot of insight. I’m too generous. I’m too generous with people that don’t have money, and I’m too generous with those that do. I want to prove my independence and success, but I’m spending far too much money. I’ve got a home filled with wine and spirits, and food, a garden filled with produce, and friends and men that can be paying for me. I need to value myself more I guess is what I'm trying to say.

#single #singleinoakland #Tinder #DryFebruary