Dry February SUCKS and Several WTFs

I’m not drinking for the month of February. I’m sick of being hungover and I feel gross physically. I think I spent so many mornings (that turned into days) feeling like shit, that I stopped working out, taking the dogs out, meditating, masturbating, and just kind of spiraled. I haven’t been able to focus (likely will go into the Dr to see if there are some pills for that), and I’m not getting things accomplished that I should be. I’m also distracted as shit with facebook and the dating apps. A lot of that has to do with me still trying to get over Finance, which I have done, for the most part. We’re still friends on facebook, he’s liked a few of my pics, but overall I’m still in shock and disappointed by his behavior over our relationship.

I downloaded Bumble, I’d heard good things about it. It gives all of the power to the woman by only allowing them to be the one to message first, but what does that mean? One more way for the guy to ignore the girl. I really wonder if it is so one sided? Where the men ignore the women, or if there are just as many women that ignore messages from men, or is it just me? What’s the point? I went through and cleared out most of my Tinder matches last night, maybe we’ll rematch? At one point last night I had three conversations going at once, then all three stopped. I’m still too afraid to reach out to women. I think I messaged everyone on Bumble yesterday and then didn’t hear from any of them. Today the app update got rid of the 24 hour expiration for matches, so there goes that sense of urgency.

I think I need to just concentrate on myself this month. I decided to cut out alcohol, gluten, sugar, and dairy for the month. (I know, so Bay Area) But I plan on getting in shape, getting healthy, being disciplined with work, and tax stuff. Adult shit that I’ve been excellent at avoiding in favor of going out or hanging out on Facebook. I should be out walking my dogs in the beautiful green hills. They’re making me want to strangle them because they act like fools while I try to knock out my 20 minutes of writing in the morning anyway.

Yesterday I went to what I thought was another meeting about a new company. This was the second meeting with a person that I've known professionally for quite a while. He’d invited me to meet him at Wingtip, a private club in the city. I was impressed, I’d even remarked on Facebook that I could see myself meeting my next husband there. But then there were all of the douchebaggery comments that came out of the woodwork so I quickly scratched that plan.

Anyway, we order Manhattans (this didn’t seem like the place to be not drinking if I wanted to be taken seriously) and thought we’d be ordering lunch. Lunch never came, conversation never shifted to a proposal or job offer, I drank half of my Manhattan over two hours, then told him I needed to get back home to get work done. At one point, trying to move the conversation along, I asked him what his plans were for the rest of the day. His response was, “I don’t know, I thought we’d get drunk and see what happened.” That was certainly odd to me. He is not an attractive man by any stretch of the imagination, but used to be in government work, so I think there might be some ego compensating for his Men in Black extra physique, but I’d never given him any indication that I was interested in being any more than business associates with him. When I was finally able to leave after realizing we weren't going to get to a job offer, he accompanied me down from the tenth floor in the elevator to the street. We awkwardly hugged goodbye, and he kissed me on the lips! I spent the entire rest of the day dry heaving. A girl on the street saw my face after it happened and smiled. What the hell?? And what an incredible waste of time and money to come into the city, and jeopardize my month of sobriety! I’m glad I stopped at half of the drink and didn’t throw away the whole day (or month), but wtf? I gave him NO indication that I was interested. So bizarre and gross. And not to be a stuck up bitch, but what would make him think that I would be interested in him? That probably fucked with me more than anything. He proceeded to text me inviting me to meet with him in Monterey. No fucking thank you. Gross. I do need to start lining up the dates before I really start feeling like shit about myself though.

Also Facebook started recommending that I be friends with the guys I’ve dated on Tinder like Buena Vista, Friend Zone, and Will Gardner...who apparently has a girlfriend with the same name as me. Amazing that I couldn’t find the first two on FB when we were dating and now they’re right in front of me!

#single #singleinoakland #Bumble #DryFebruary