Nice Nice and I'm Dumb for Dude

Back on Tinder for two weeks. Basically the night Finance left I went back on. It could have been before that. It was, now that I think about it. It was probably New Year’s Day. Anyway, I’ve only been on...three dates? All duds. Tonight was a sweet enough guy, but I knew based on the car that he said he drives and that he has roommates and is almost 40 I wasn’t going to be into him. But I was still mildly looking forward to having something to write about.

He’s sweet, very unique looking. Half Irish half Mexican, a million freckles. He said everything twice, “Nice, nice.” “Good, good.” On and on. But I drove up to the restaurant, and as I was pulling into the parking garage I remembered that first date with Finance. He was such a gentleman, we spent five hours together and it went by in a flash. He told me he was going to kiss me. He hunted down my car from the valet that went home and abandoned my car. We used to talk for hours. When I was in the shower this morning I remembered the first time we talked on the phone. I remembered that he left where he was, saying that talking to me was more important. And then he left me over Funyuns.

When Nice Nice got up to go to the bathroom, I saw that Finance had texted me twice. Of course this is what I wanted. I wanted him to be in my bed when I got home. I wanted him to be on my porch with two dozen white roses, and apologizing on bended knee. I wanted to make insane beautiful love the entire night, falling asleep in his amazing caramel colored arms. What the fuck is wrong with me? I know I’m so much better than him, that he doesn’t deserve me, that as soon as he would get here he’d do something to turn me off. Driving home I almost called The Boxer. Why? I’m not attracted to him really, he intimidates me, and I know I’d feel beyond unattractive around him. But then I’m like, maybe I just need some guy to fuck the fucking shit out of me. I need to never go back to my boxing studio, because I’ll need him to fuck me so good, that I’ll never think of Finance again. My heart fucking hurts still. I’m confused, I’m sad, I’m lonely, and I’m doing most of this to myself, because I know how little I meant to him, or how easily he’ll cast me aside if I stop taking his phone calls or responding to his texts. He’s not even that good of a person. But fuck! I loved him! I still fucking love him and that’s bullshit. I’d let his dumb ass back into my house, back into my bed. That’s dumb, and that’s all on me. Maybe more Tinder? Maybe fuck someone that I could care less about. I wish Buena Vista was an option. He was too hot to really care about. The MS, I could definitely do that again. I liked the secret connection we had.

What else have I learned from being with Finance? I like someone that can cook, but isn’t obsessed with cooking or food. I want someone that is super appreciative and impressed by what I do and am capable of like he was. I want someone with money, a home, a good car, and good relationships with friends and family. I want someone smart, fit, and healthy. I want someone with an amazing sex drive. I want someone that is going to compliment me regularly and make me feel beautiful. Bonus if he texts me to let me know he’s thinking about me. Bonus if he doesn’t have drama or serious baggage. Bonus if he is generous with thoughtful gifts and experiences. Bonus if he opens doors. Bonus if he’s great with dogs. I’m sure there’s more. I’m exhausted and just high enough to think I’ll sleep really well.

#single #singleinoakland #Tinder #Lungomare #Finance #learning