Too Familiar

We’ve made up, but by the time I heard from him the next day I was fuming. Like, so much for hiding the crazy, nuts. He doesn’t really have an explanation, but his kid is in the car with him so I’m selective in what I say. He can tell something’s up. The only things that I ask are, did you get my text messages yesterday (I was giving him an out, or the chance to lie to me). He apologized up and down, asks me to be understanding, and just him asking that makes me vulnerable enough to try and give him another chance. His kid is being cute on the phone again, and my heart melts. Part of me wonders if he does that on purpose, knowing how it will affect me.

I went out with The Kid. We met at the driving range, I greeted him with shots of Maker’s Mark and tall boys of Stella. It hit both of us in a way that nothing else could. We watched the Warriors game, I calmed down, and by the next morning Finance was begging me to come into the city to see him and his kid.

I unexpectedly met his parents the next day...that didn’t go well. He told me it wouldn’t, but I was not expecting full on Ice Queen. I’m glad that part is over, I never have to see her again. The super shitty thing is it reminded me of meeting my Ex’s parents. My first interaction with my ex father in law left me speechless and appalled. I was told that my ex had left “the best thing since sliced bread” for me, and he wanted to know why. This was almost an aggressive dismissal. And her husband was a sweet man, that was clearly in her shadow, just as my ex’s mother was to her husband.

Yesterday was the last day of Hanukkah. We’d agreed to spend it with my best friends, it was going to be the first time that they would meet and I was going to back to back parties all day before we were set to meet up. He kept calling, and calling, and calling, and every time he was in a worse mood. At one point I told him not to come. But his kid was in the background saying how much he wanted to go. It was at this point that I realized that this was far too similar to my ex. I was worried about his stress level and how it was going to affect everyone around him including me. It almost made me sick. Was this something that I needed to deal with? Was I attracting it? Should I put my foot down and not stand for it?

Again I’m at a point where my job is in limbo, the settlement is in limbo, and I would love a little consistency, even if that’s just knowing where my snuggles are coming from.

#single #singleinoakland