Thankful and Hopeful on Thanksgiving

24 Days later I’m in Mexico with my best friend and Finance texts me that he misses me while he's at dinner with his parents for Thanksgiving. I can’t explain what a wonderful feeling that was. Someone misses me. I’m so trying to be present here, but it’s hard. I’m smitten with a dude back home, this wasn’t my ideal vacation/divorcemoon, but at the same time I’m so thankful for this opportunity and to be doing it with an incredible friend that I cherish and is so incredible in so many ways. From segwaying seamlessly into Spanish with anyone that she choses, to tirelessly researching spots, neighborhoods, restaurants,etc, to just being very cool to spend time with. That being said, I’d rather be at an all inclusive resort listening to waves crash, sipping cold drinks, and reading trashy books and magazines. Next time. The good/sad thing is that this isn’t a romantic city. It’s not particularly pretty, the food is not exquisite or particularly sexy, the vibe isn’t exactly chill or warm, the noises are not romance inducing, the views aren’t beautiful... hmmm, yeah, this isn’t a place I’ll come back to. New York, Tokyo, Paris, even LA might win out over coming here. But the upside is that my heart isn’t aching for Finance, I’m not constantly reminded of him, and I’m not about to fall in love on the street here. Right now, instead of going to bed I’m actually considering heading out to find a lesbian bar. Maybe tomorrow.

A year from now I want to be cooking for my family again. Hopefully that means an incredible man, his kid or kids, and any extended family he brings with. I want to provide, I want to be appreciated, I want to be proud and valued. The other night when I made him dinner...he told me so many times how much he loved the food and how great it looked. He made me feel amazing even thouth I was incredibly self conscious by him doing it. It was awesome. I felt loved and valued. Parts of me feel like this could be too good to be true, but there are also so many baggage issues that it’s not. But I’m happy and that scares me. I don’t want to lose it. I want him. I actually do. I want to be in a relationship with him. I want to continue having him hold me everynight, snuggling me like I’m in a man cocoon. I want to be so close to him that he absorbs me. I want his kid to be in my life. That’s honestly been one of the scariest revelations, that I want to be a mom. It could just be him, but my heart is exploding, wanting to be there for him and be in his life. Wanting to take care of him and have fun with him, create memories, build him up, comfort him, laugh with him. Yikes. I’m scaring myself. We’ll see, he’s the third guy I’ve dated with kids, but he's certainly the first one I’ve been this serious about and can picture a future with.

#Divorcemoon #single #singleinoakland