Friend Zone Needs a New Name

I picked up Friend Zone from the BART station before 5, we headed into the city without problems, got there early enough to have a few drinks before heading in. He’s ridiculous. I’m pretty sure that there is no doubt that he has a drinking problem. He’s loud and funny and comes close to crossing so many lines. I was either cracking up or trying to shut him up during the entire game. It was the second or third inning when he puts his hand in mine. It was weird. I was so convinced that we should be friends, that I didn’t know how to react. We were getting more and more buzzed and more and more flirty, running around the concessions laughing, making fun of people. It was a blur. I do remember a picture I posted on IG of us ending up on the jumbo tron though. We walked back to the car, unlocked and relocked the gates, and when I went back to check on him he finally kissed me. It was definitely on the aggressive side, but we’d gotten it out of the way.

We went out for drinks, had a ridiculous time, photos on my phone showed him attempting to put his shoed foot in his mouth at the picnic table at the bar. We ended up at his house, which is practically within walking distance from mine (not making it easy to stalk him…). We had a really deep conversation about what we both wanted, I specifically remember him wanting me to take it seriously and hold his hands and look into his eyes while he was talking to me, telling me he wanted more. He wanted to travel with his "girlfriend" for months next year, It was a while before I realized he was talking about me. It was crazy, he was saying all of the right things. I was amazed that he was actually listening to what I had told him the first time that we spent 12 hours on the friend zone date. I said as much, and he told me that he listened to every word I said. I totally didn’t know how to react, or what to say, and I was seriously fucked up even though I only had three drinks between six and midnight. I told him we couldn’t go back to being just friends, but that I wasn’t interested in a one night stand with him. He told me he attracts the wrong women. One had lasted ten years, and ended in tragedy after they broke up. His next relationship ended after three years and she moved to Hawaii. He has some heart condition. The details are blurry, the emotions and sentiments were pretty clear though. And then we went to the place of no return. He was amazing. So absolutely loving in his actions and gestures. It was crazy. This morning he continued to hold me, pulling me back in bed with him, and leaving me with something to think about as I was trying to finish putting my clothes on and leave.

I bailed on a bike ride with Will Gardner for that morning to stay with him, but I’d committed to a Giant’s game with The League. I barely got home in time to shower and change.

And I’ve not really heard from exFriend Zone since. I’m stick to my stomach about it. I feel so stupid. Why would I go for a guy that works insane hours, clearly has a drinking problem, drinks his way through weekends, calls in sick to go to games. This is a guy I’ve thought about and talked about since the first time we went out seven weeks ago. I look at the target we shot together every day displayed prominently in my dining room. Am I still so broken that I need to try to get into a relationship with a guy like this? But he was the unicorn. He is what I’m looking for. He’s a great person, he’s a gentleman. Will Gardner left the other night and I had a 50 pound package on my front porch that he commented on, but walked past. Friend Zone came over a few hours after he left, commented on it, then picked it up and brought it in. He’s thoughtful, he is an investor, he reads great books. But he’s clearly damaged. And I haven’t heard from him. Considering he pretty much only has his weekend days that we can spent together I would have thought I would have seen him tonight. Or made plans for tomorrow. Lying in bed this morning I was ready to delete all of my dating apps, cancel on these dates. Figure out how to bail on The Italian this week.

I really hope my period is coming soon because I’m either starting to go crazy, or my hormones are on the verge. I’m feeling pretty fucked up about myself. I NEED to not drink so much, I NEED to lose weight faster. I need to not fall for guys that are going to distract me or get me off track. I need to not get my heart broken, and my hopes up. I need to now compromise on protection in the bedroom. I need to not spend money on drinks and going out. My heart hurts, I’m sad and disappointed in myself. I’m still lonely. A casual boyfriend that I can have great times with on the weekend, and sleep with during the week, go on vacations with around the holidays, laugh with, be serious with, support and be supported by. Yeah, exFriend Zone would be perfect for that.

We went from having coffee, to a 12 hour amazing date that ended in the friend zone, to almost weekly random texts, to casual lunch at my place, to friends at a ball game to flirting, to having sex for about five hours out of eight. Are my expectations for communication that high? Was I right to presume that he just wants to be single, do dude stuff, and not have human connection? Then what’s up with the heart to heart. Why did Buena Vista tell me all of this personal shit, show me videos of his little boy, then peace out without a word? Don’t fuck with me and my emotions. Seriously. These dudes are hot enough that they don’t need to try that hard to get laid. They don’t need to feed me lines or have me get emotionally connected to them with false ideas of a future together or spend a bunch of time talking about things we have in common. That’s why The Italian is perfect. No ties, he’s not that interesting, I’m pretty sure we don’t have much in common, and he’s fun in bed. No ties, no texts, no calls, to plans to see each other.

Anyway, new dude has introduced me to the show The League. I watched three episodes last night and two in barely crawling 580 traffic on the way into work this morning. He’s funny, at least through texts. Can you tell I have a thing for a sense of humor? We meet at the BART station. I haven’t told exFriend Zone that I’m going to the game today. My friend mentioned it in front of him last night when we were parking, but he never asked about it. And he didn’t ask why I was leaving this morning. And I didn’t tell new dude that I was at the game last night.

Today was going to be my first game of the season, until I went with exFriend Zone last night! We ended up walking well over a mile from BART. It was awkward. I felt like I had some type of residual food poisoning, plus I had only slept for about 3 hours, and there was a chance I was mildly hung over. We don’t touch, or talk even. I’m exhausted and yawning. I can’t stop thinking about exFriend Zone, we are actually sitting in the same section that exFriend Zone and I were in last night. We had such a good time that I keep giggling thinking about him. I keep hoping that he’s going to text me, I keep looking forward to seeing him tonight, and wondering if I should bail on SSS for brunch tomorrow.

The League is a bit brain dead. I can’t hear a lot of what he’s saying because he’s mumbling. I keep yawning and he keeps nudging me, which is as far as the physical contact goes. By the end when we’re waiting for BART together he seems to have loosened up, and I’m contemplating seeing him again. But also thinking that I’m going to be exFriend Zone’s girlfriend by tonight. : /

I go home and get in bed, sleep for two hours and hope to hear from him. All he says is that he’s not going anywhere. Knowing the BBQ he’s at, he’s probably super fucked up and staying there. Fucking A. Dating is bullshit.

#single #singleinoakland #Tinderella