The Blood Moon

This weekend concluded an 11 year chapter in my life. This last year has been one of the most trying I hope to ever experience. Extreme highs, and extreme lows. Absolute despair to moments I thought my heart would burst from happiness and inspiration. There is a lot of shame and embarrassment surrounding divorce. I've learned that it takes an incalculable amount of strength to leave, to demand and expect happiness, respect, and fundamental aspects of any relationship. I've been surrounded by the most loving, supportive, thoughtful, sincere, and inspiring people since making the decision to leave the marriage. I couldn't be more grateful for them, I literally thank god for them everyday. I'm figuring out who I am and what I expect out of life now, raising the bar for myself and those I allow into my life, getting healthy on the inside and out. I've learned so much and am proud of the life in front of me, which I plan on making the absolute most of. Thank you for being a part of this journey.

I spent the evening with Will Gardner at his home on the Bay up north with a stunning view of Mount Diablo, and an unbeatable view of the lunar eclipse. He had offered to make me dinner, I brought the wine. It was great, he’s sweet and funny, but very (justifiably) caught up in his own divorce and custody nightmare. I spent a lot of the evening on the balcony consumed with my own thoughts.

On Saturday I’d come home to discover that my divorce had been finalized. Had I been there when the mailman dropped it off I would have kissed him on the face. Because the legal terms are not at all that straightforward I called my attorney bestie and asked her to verify what I thought I was reading. Yup, this shit was final. I’d saved my home, its contents, the dogs, and my beautifully generic last name. Seven years of marriage was over. An eleven year relationship was officially off the books. I knew I had a small list of things that I was waiting until it was final to do, and suddenly I couldn’t think of them. I was so in shock and grateful that I’d lost track of those little, but significant actions.

Unfriending his relatives was one of the things. Over the last year, or since we decided to end the marriage only one of his relatives ever reached out to me. Passive things like liking posts or pics on FB or IG were still happening, but I really expected someone to reach out. After how painful and destructive the patriarch was to the family, and that I was there through it all, different life events...I was shocked that no one reached out. So, I decided to cut them out of my life in the most passive/active way that we can these days. Unfriend, Unfriend, Unfriend, Unfriend. I remember seeing a close friend that had ended one marriage and gotten almost immediately engaged to another man, professing her eternal love to him on FB (which was cool, I get it, I hope to do the same thing one day soon), but her ex mother in law called her out on the post. It was amazing. That’s not the only reason though. I have an amazing life, I don’t want to think twice about what I post, who I’m with, where I am, my accomplishments, etc.

The next day I made a couple major stock investments. Companies I couldn’t invest in in the past because of insider information. Now I was free and clear to start putting my money where I thought that it should go, hence major home improvements as soon as I was free and clear of him. Windows, earthquake retrofit, and soon to have solar. Responsible ish. Yes I’d rather be in Mexico or France, no fucking doubt! But if I was going to risk everything to save my home I was damn sure going to take care of it.

So, back to that night. It was great. He was great. Definitely not who I’m seeing long term potential in, but he’s definitely Mr Right (Now). And from what I’ve heard everyone else in the Bay Area had a hard time finding the moon. I watched it for almost 5 hours that evening. It signified more than I realized. I’m reinvested in myself and my happiness and success, and for that I am eternally grateful.

#Divorce #BloodMoon #single #singleinoakland