The 12-Hour Date with Friend Zone

I was always boy crazy. It’s not gone away. If anything it’s more intense. A more mature, less stalking, more internet “research”, kind of obsession. Seriously though, between google, tinder, linkedin, youtube, facebook, and twitter, it’s hard to hide. If you know the main thing about me and include that term with my incredibly generic last name, I take up the entire first page.

I met a guy from Tinder. It was probably an insomnia session where I woke up at three and swiped till I passed out. This guy had no information, but a couple of cute pictures of him fishing, wearing Giant’s paraphernalia, hiking, and in front of the Eiffel tower. It was a match, and I sent him: ” Paris, outdoorsy, and Giants. Yes.” The proceeding messaging was great, we talked about SUP, travel, work...he knew the exact specialized term for what I do without me dropping it, I was impressed.

We met for coffee in the middle of the day, if I didn’t have work it probably would have lasted longer but I needed to get online so we agreed to meet to go shooting that Sunday. Yes, shooting as virtually our first date. It turned out we had a lot in common with hunting, between my past experiences over a decade ago, and his actual regular passion for the sport.

He picks me up in a truck, that for me was a panty dropper. How was it I was finding an actual man in the Bay Area? I was seriously considering moving to Montana again because of the men out here, or lack of “men”. Engineers are a dime a dozen, everyone that you meet either works at Apple, Salesforce, Google, or a startup. They’re outdoorsy in a I-go-skiing-and-hang-out-on-my-friends-boat kind of way, or they surf. But this hot ass rugged guy that had everything I was looking for was right in front of me. Plus he smelled great, like legit intoxicating.

We ended up spending the entire day together. Twelve hours to be ezact. A couple of hours at the shooting range, I kicked ass and took home the target that we shared, and he was great. Really patient, and there was something so hot about him with this massive rifle and the fact that he used it to hunt game that he used to feed himself and his friends (Seriously, how many locavores are in the Bay Area, and how many of them would kill their own food with respect for the animal and the land?). We ended up going back to my house, spent hours there by the creek then I ordered a pizza and we kept talking. I had tickets for the Buena Vista Social Club that I wanted to go to up in Sonoma, but I was having too much fun to get rid of him. I finally told him that I had to go, but he was more than welcome to come with me. He thought about it and said yes. He went home and changed then we drove up, still talking the entire time. But absolutely no physical contact. In the meantime I’m dying to make out with this guy. After the concert I took him out to dinner, then a long drive home. Nada. I know everything about his family, and most of his personal history. He would ask about me, we laughed, we talked about traveling. And then when we get back to my place he splits. A friendly hug, and that's it.

The next day he texts that he had a really good time. I spend the morning hiking, and the evening doing kettle bells. My marriage destroyed my body between aging, being with a completely lazy partner, and my own lack of discipline. I can’t help but go back to that whenever I’m hitting it off with someone on a personal level, and then it never goes anywhere. What else could it be? I know I’m awesome, they know I’m awesome. And I want to be in better shape, I want to be sexy, I want to have sex in not complete darkness. One of the things I’m most looking forward to is spending days in bed with someone.

This guy though, we could be great together. We have so much in common, but just the right amount of things we can teach each other.

Trying to trust that this will all work out with whomever it is supposed to, is maddening. I’m ready to have someone, or multiple someones. The dating is fun, but the overwhelming loneliness after is crushing.

#single #singleinoakland #LakeChabotGunClub